It's getting to be crunch time. I looked at the date on Friday and realized that I've been in transition for seven months. It doesn't seem like seven months has passed since I finished my well paying full time job, but the calendar doesn't lie. It's getting to be time to take anything I can find.
I've been working of course, part time at a bookstore. To start out with, I wasn't working much but for the past two months I've been there basically full time. My boss has gone through a raft of personal problems, so she hasn't been there. Therefore I get to fill in, not as the boss, but they need someone there to work, and that someone gets to be me. However, she will be returning next week, my hours will be cut, and I'm going to be back in the position of needing to find another job. Thankfully with the lessened hours, I'll actually have time to look for something.
Up until this point, the fact that I don't really have much direction in my life hasn't bothered me. I don't have a career, I don't have a home of my own, I don't really have much independance at all. And, I've been ok with that. Probably because I haven't really wanted to grow up, I don't want to be in control of everything, I still like to be taken care of by my parents. I don't know if that's wrong or not, but that's how it is. Last week I had dinner with a bunch of my high school friends. A dinner where I heard all about their careers, transfers to England, upcoming weddings, brand new houses, etc.. I think that it finally made me realize that I can't go on as I have been forever. Obviously I always knew that, but it was something that was in the back of my mind, rather than right at the front making it's presence known.
So, this upcoming week while I've got some time I'm going to need to make a concentrated effort to find some sort of full time employment. Not only because I've realized that it's time to grow up, but also because if I don't I'm going to end up with a whole lot of debt. My part time job has not been my sole means of support for the past seven months, the government has been helping out, but that's about to change as well. So, to hell with it, I may not like the job I have to take, but I'm going to have to take something.
Of course, I've noticed that when I'm not happy in a job, I don't put much effort into it, and therefore I'm not very good at it, so it may not last long, but it's got to be done. I don't have much choice, and I suppose that's what growing up is all about. Making the choices that will keep you going, not the ones that you necessarily want to make. What a terrible realization.
Posted by Michelle at July 27, 2002 02:50 PM