Good lord, the summer is half over and I haven't actually seen any evidence that indeed it is summer. I miss the days of having months off at a time and knowing that your days are carefree and that you can do whatever you want with them. Oh, the joys of growing up. That said, I'm going to change the subject.
I have a brother, he's almost four years younger than I am, so we really haven't ever been overly close. When we were kids we'd play together at home, but as soon as we'd leave the house it'd be like we didn't know each other. I'm not sure why, but that's always how it worked. Our friends didn't overlap and the only time we ever went to the same school was when we were younger, when I left our K-6 school, I went into French Immersion, which required me to go to school on the other side of the city. My brother went to the schools in our area, the schools that I went into French Immersion to avoid. The reason? They don't exactly have the best reputation.
My brother and I were not all that close but as we got older, we did stop fighing, we stopped framing each other for our 'crimes', and we started talking a little bit. I've heard that this happens as you get older. My mother insists that she barely got along with her brother and sister when she was younger, but since she became an adult she gets along with them quite a lot better. I'm hoping that this will happen, I'm not sure why, but family has always been far more important to me than I think is healthy.
However, my brother and I can't even be in the same room together anymore. Well, it's not so much him that's the problem, but his fiancee. The girl is terrible, and I can't stand to be around her. My brother arranges to see my mother when I'm not around, and I arrange to see my father when my brother isn't around. It's sad really, because just was we were starting to get along, we don't anymore. And, though my brother hasn't been the best brother in the world, I miss him.
It's getting to be crunch time. I looked at the date on Friday and realized that I've been in transition for seven months. It doesn't seem like seven months has passed since I finished my well paying full time job, but the calendar doesn't lie. It's getting to be time to take anything I can find.
I've been working of course, part time at a bookstore. To start out with, I wasn't working much but for the past two months I've been there basically full time. My boss has gone through a raft of personal problems, so she hasn't been there. Therefore I get to fill in, not as the boss, but they need someone there to work, and that someone gets to be me. However, she will be returning next week, my hours will be cut, and I'm going to be back in the position of needing to find another job. Thankfully with the lessened hours, I'll actually have time to look for something.
Up until this point, the fact that I don't really have much direction in my life hasn't bothered me. I don't have a career, I don't have a home of my own, I don't really have much independance at all. And, I've been ok with that. Probably because I haven't really wanted to grow up, I don't want to be in control of everything, I still like to be taken care of by my parents. I don't know if that's wrong or not, but that's how it is. Last week I had dinner with a bunch of my high school friends. A dinner where I heard all about their careers, transfers to England, upcoming weddings, brand new houses, etc.. I think that it finally made me realize that I can't go on as I have been forever. Obviously I always knew that, but it was something that was in the back of my mind, rather than right at the front making it's presence known.
So, this upcoming week while I've got some time I'm going to need to make a concentrated effort to find some sort of full time employment. Not only because I've realized that it's time to grow up, but also because if I don't I'm going to end up with a whole lot of debt. My part time job has not been my sole means of support for the past seven months, the government has been helping out, but that's about to change as well. So, to hell with it, I may not like the job I have to take, but I'm going to have to take something.
Of course, I've noticed that when I'm not happy in a job, I don't put much effort into it, and therefore I'm not very good at it, so it may not last long, but it's got to be done. I don't have much choice, and I suppose that's what growing up is all about. Making the choices that will keep you going, not the ones that you necessarily want to make. What a terrible realization.
I've started to write something new for this three times now. It's not that I don't have things to write about, because I'm constantly told that I do, it's mostly that when I type things out, I realize that I don't like the way it reads. And if I don't like it, I don't particularly want anyone else to read it. Therefore, the space that I'm paying for sits, unused. It's not something that has been keeping me awake at night, but...I've been hearing about it, and hearing about it, and hearing about it. So, to shut Mike up, I will post whatever happens to come out of my head tonight. That will have to do for now.
My grandfather rented a mansion of a cottage and invited all of his family up for the week. My aunt and her kids are there, my uncle and his wife, my grandfather and his wife, as well as my mother and her husband. I went for the weekend, mostly because I haven't seen my uncle in about a year. For some reason, I saw his wife at Christmas, but not him. I haven't seen my aunt and my cousins since Christmas either, and so I went to see everyone. It was a gorgeous weekend, and I managed to get a sunburn.
On Sunday night my mom suggested to me that I give my dad a call and see if he wanted to come up for a visit on Monday. My father is also on holidays, and staying at the cottage. So, I called him up and he said that he'd come.
I have the weirdest parents. They divorce but still hang out all the time. My father actually seems to genuinely like mom's new husband. Anyway, my father has always liked most of my mothers family, so it was good that he could come up and see them. My grandfather in particular misses my father I think. So it was a good thing. However, there I am, sitting with all of my family around me (well, my brother wasn't there, but that's for the best really) and in walks the new husband...it sort of shattered the happy picture in my head. It's not that I don't like him, most of the time I do, it's just...it was like...life was normal again, if only for a brief second.
I realized at some point that I'd run out of Diet Coke, so I had to walk over to the marina to buy more, mom said she'd come with me, and since we were sitting talking to my dad he decided to come along as well. It was nice, we talked about silly things, but it was fun to have them together. I'm certainly not turning into one of those people that do nothing but dream about their parents reuniting, but it makes me feel safe to have them both together. I can't figure out if it makes sense or not, but there it is.
After coming home from the weekend I went off to meet with my high school friends. It was something that I actually instigated, and once I got there I quite enjoyed myself. We did all kinds of gossiping, and talked about everyone that didn't show up behind their backs. This is particularly funny because one certain person we all knew in high school became very flaky when we went our seperate ways to school. She'd say she was going to come to parties, or whatever, and then she'd cancel at the last minute. Typically, she emailed the hostess on Tuesday to say that she wouldn't make it. None of us were surprised. I also found out that almost half of my graduating class is either a) married or b) gay. It's amazing what develops in a few years.
So, that's the update. It seems to me that I'm incredibly busy, but then I sit down and think about it and it seems to me that I don't actually do that much.
Happy Canada Day. Not really one of my absolute favourite holidays, but it's an excuse for a long weekend to start the summer, so...what the hell?
Most people that know me, know that for longer than I can remember I've spent as much of my summer as possible at the family cottage in Muskoka. Despite popular opinion, it's not a palace, but I admit that it's not quite as much like a cottage as it could be. The wonderful thing about it, is that after driving three (hopefully) hours to get there, you're at your own place, you park your car in your driveway, then you walk the 100 or so feet to your dock, where you set yourself up for the duration, alone. It's peaceful (unless the kids and the dogs are there), and you can swim when you want, eat when you want, do pretty much whatever you want without anyone else being there to bother you.
This weekend, I decided not to go to the cottage. On long weekends, the traffic becomes absolutely hellish and I just didn't want to deal with that. So, on Sunday we hopped in the car and drove to the beach.
I've spent very limited time at the beach. A week while I was away in the Dominican Republic, a day here and there while in Florida, and an hour here and there when we've gone off to beaches at the cottage for picnics or whatever. From what I remembered of the beach, it was hot, and there's a lot of people. I was right, it was hot and there were a lot of people. Plus, you get sand everywhere. And there are rules you have to follow! Imagine being beside the water and not being able to have a drink? I can drink whatever the hell I want while sitting on my dock.
Anyway, the couple of hours we spent on the beach were lovely. The water was slightly cooler than what I like to swim in, but it's difficult to swim there anyway, because the water is so shallow. I don't particularly like being around that many people, most are terribly inconsiderate, and there are always so many kids around. Yesterday, while I was attempting to sleep in the sun, I had kids get me with water from one side, and sand from the other. Neither did it on purpose, but it was just a pain in the ass.
I understand that there are people who are extremely fond of the beach, it appears though, that I just don't happen to be one of them.